Laughster

yo momma is so fat she got baptized at Seaworld

yo momma is so fat when she pushes the up botton the elevator she goes down

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it

Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions.

Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”"

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Your mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!

your momma so old when she breast feeds she gives powdered milk.

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.
When the first dog asks the second dog what he’s in for, he answers, “My
master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I
soiled it, so now I’ve been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you
here for?”

The first dog replies grimly, “I’m also being put to sleep. My master had a
table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I
accidently bumped into the table and broke them all.”

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he’s in for. The third
dog answers, “The reason I’m here is the other day my master stepped out of the
shower and she bent over. I couldn’t resist, so I jumped her from behind and
took her like a wild animal!”

“So I guess you’re also here to be put to sleep?” says the first dog.

The third dog answers, “Nope, I’m here to get my nails clipped!”

Three friends — two straight guys and a gay guy — and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.

They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly.
“I can’t let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny.”

Then came the second straight guy.
“Sorry, can’t let you in, either.” said St. Peter. “You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!”

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously…
“It’s not looking good for us Dick.”

It was so cold last winter … (How cold was it?)
… that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Three men walking through the woods get lost and find themselves at a raging river. As night begins to fall the men turn to prayer.

1st man: Dear God, please help me to cross this river.

A rubber raft appears and the man paddles and fights his way across taking five hours.

2nd man: Dear God, please help me to quickly cross this river.

A wooden boat appears and he rows across to the other side of the river taking three hours.

3rd man: Dear God, please give me the presence of mind, the courage and ability to make it across the river.

The man changes into a woman, she reads the map, and walks over the bridge.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Manolo se encontraba puliendo un poste de metal con un pa�uelo. En eso llega Venancio:

“�Por qu� est�s haciendo eso?”

Manolo le contesta ense��ndole la cabeza:

“�Qu� no ves el chichote que tengo?”

“�Hombre! �Y eso qu� tiene que ver?”

“Es que el doctor me dijo que me limpiara en el sitio donde me golpe�”.

One night when a boy prayed to god, the boy asked god:

How Long is 1 million years to you?
God replies 1 second.

The Boy asked God:
How much is 1 million dallors to you?
God replies 1 penny.

Then the boy asked god if he could have a penny.
God replies…sure, “gimme 1 second”.

Two gentlemen were discussing the prospects of “looming” retirement. While one guy had lots of hobbies. The other fellow had no hobbies, and was rather concerned about being set loose with nothing to do.
The first guy suggested his friend go visit his kids. The man said, “Well, I only have two kids, but I could buy a motor home and go visit my brothers and sisters, that would take about a year.”

The first guy looked a bit puzzled, so his friend said, “I’m one of eighteen kids in my family.”

The first fellow’s eyes got rather large, contemplating eighteen children, so the man volunteered to explain.

“The problem was, my mother was hard of hearing.” With a big grin he added, “My mom and dad would go to bed at night, and my dad would ask, ‘Do you want to go to sleep, or what?’ and my mom would say, ‘What?’”