once upon a time there was a flea walking
down the beach and while he was walking he
saw this bottle so he kicked it and a gene
came out. he said that you have 3 wishes.
the gene asked him whats your first wish, he
said that he wanted to be on lassie so poof he was their. about a week goes by, he walks down the beach and kicked that bottle, the gene poped out and the flea said it just aint goin to work she is to clean. the gene said you have 2 wishes left, whats your second wish. he said i want to be on willy nelsons beard, so poof their he was. about another week goes by he walkes down the beach kicks that bottle the gene pops out and the flea said that it just aint goin to work that old man never sleeps. the gene said you have 1 wish left what is it the flea said: i want to be on dolly partons pussy so poof their he was. about a mounth or 2 go by he walkes down the beach, kicks the bottle the gene pops out and sayes you have all ready used your 3 wishes. the flea said: ity just aint guna work i stood up to look over the trees and here comes willy nelsons beard.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
A. Well aren’t all kitchen appliances that color?
Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving.
ONE DAY A MAN DECIDED HE NEEDED TO HIRE SOMEONE TO WATCH HIS WIFE, WHO HE BELIEVED WAS CHEATING ON HIM. SO, HE HIRED THREE 14 YEAR OLD BOYS TO DO THE JOB. AFTER ONLY 2 DAYS, HE WAS SURE HE HAD WHAT HE NEEDED TO FILE FOR DIVORCE. THEY SAT IN THE COURT ROOM AND THE FIRST TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED, SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING
ANGERED THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! GET OUT!
THE SECOND TEEN TOOK THE STAND. THE JUDGE ASKED SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? TO WHICH THE BOY REPLIED, I SAW FUCKING TOO
AGAIN THE JUDGE YELLED, THERE WILL BE NO VULGAR LANGUAGE IN MY COURTROOM! NOW GET OUT!!
A BIT NERVOUS THE THIRD TEEN TOOK THE STAND. SON, WHAT DID YOU SEE? ASKED THE JUDGE ON THE EDGE OF HIS SEAT A BIT ANNOYED. THE BOY TOOK A DEEP BREATH AND REPLIED,
I SAW PANTS DROPPING TO THE KNEES,
BALLS SWAYING IN THE BREEZE, DICK GOING IN AND OUT. I CALL THAT FUCKING, YOU GONNA KICK ME OUT?
‘We’re newlyweds, and we’d like a suite,’ said the groom to the hotel clerk.’Bridal?’ inquired the clerk.’Oh, no!’ blurted out the bride. ‘I’ll just hang on to his ears until I get used to it.’
One night, a man and woman were getting ready to have sex. At
the same time, there were three fleas in the room looking for
somewhere to hide. One crawled between the mattress, one crawled
up the woman’s ass, and the third crawled into her pussy.
The man jumped on the bed and the couple began to have sex.
During intercourse, the woman silently left a fart. When they
were finished, the man came inside her and they went to sleep.
The next morning, the three fleas got together. The one that
slept between the mattress said, “I was sleeping fine until a
big rock landed on me.”
The flea that slept up the woman’s ass said “Yeah? I was
sleeping fine until a big gust of wind blew me out on the sheet.”
The third flea, looking really pissed off, said, “I was sleeping
fine ’till some bald headed sonofabitch came along and SPIT on
me!”
Two gays decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Brad exclaims. “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”
The nurse says, “He’s happy now. But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”
There was a mommy and a daddy and they went downstairs to have sex. Their son came down and aksed what they were doing, they said they were making brownies. So the next moring their son goes up to them and says,”Mommy, I no what you were really doing last night.” Oh,ya, What. Making brownies, I liked the frosting off the couch.
A worried father confronted his daughter one night. ‘I don’t like that new boyfriend, he’s rough and common and bloody stupid with it.’ ‘Oh no, Daddy,’ the daughter replied, ‘Fred’s ever so clever, we’ve only been going out nine weeks and he’s cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.’
It has been said that the way you make up your name for when you become a porn star is to take the name of your first pet plus the first street you lived on. A random sampling of “normal” people gives the following “porn star” names:Kitty RollingwoodHammie LincolnPeanuts SeventhTux BouldierBirdie WillowVelvet FirstSmokie Briar RosePandora Sarvis BerryTry it!