Laughster

There were two men who played golf together frequently. One was several strokes better than the other. The lesser player was very proud, and never wanted to take any strokes to even up the game.
One Saturday morning, he shows up with a gorilla at the first tee. He says to his friend, “I’ve been trying to beat you for so long that I’m about ready to give up. But, I heard about this golfing gorilla, and I was wondering if it would be alright if he plays for me today. In fact if you’re game, I’d like to try to get back all the money I’ve lost to you this year. I figure comes to about a thousand bucks. Are you willing?”

The other guy thought about it for a minute, and then decided to play the gorilla. “After all, how good could a gorilla be at golf?” he thought.

Well, the first hole was a straightaway par 4 of 450 yards. The guy hits a beautiful tee shot, 275 yards down the middle, leaving himself a 6 iron to the green. The gorilla takes a few powerful practice swings and then laces the ball 450 yards, right at the pin, stopping about 6 inches away from the hole.

The guy turns to his friend and says “That’s incredible, I would have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. But, you know what, I’ve seen enough. I’ve got no interest in being totally humiliated by this gorilla golfing machine. You send this frigging gorilla back to where he comes from. I need a drink; better make it a double, and I’ll write you a check.”

After handing over the check, and well into his second double the guy asks, “By the way, how’s that gorilla’s putting?”

The other guy replies, “Same as his driving.”

“That good, huh?”

“No, I mean, he hits putts the same way – 450 yards, right down the middle!”

Q: Why did the Tic fan cross the road?
A: Cos Sutton was on shooting practice.

“Dad, dad!” cried Philip, as he arrived home one evening. “I think I’ve been
selected for the school football team.”
“That’s good,” said his father. “But why do you only think you’ve been
selected? Aren’t you sure? What position are you playing?”
“Well,” replied Philip, “it’s not been announced officially, but I overheard
the football coach tell my teacher that if I was in the team I’d be a great
draw-back.”

“Look, Bobby,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship.
You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the
umpire, or abusive language.”

“Yes, sir, I understand.”

“Good, Bobby. Now. would you please explain that to your mother.”

How many Packers fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three–one to screw in the new one and two to talk about how great the old one was.

CORVALLIS, OREGON: Oregon State football practice was delayed yesterday for two hours.

One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head Coach Dennis Erickson immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when FBI Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q:What do you say to a Dallas Cowboy in a suit?

A:And how does the defendent wish to plead?

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?

A: A huddle

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?

A: The police

Q: Why can’t Michael Irvin get in a huddle on the field anymore?

A: It’s a parole violation to associate with known felons.

There were 3 basketball players, one each from IU, Notre Dame, and Purdue,
standing on a burning roof in Indianapolis The fire department came with a
blanket and yelled to the Norte Dame player to jump.He jumped and they moved it
to the right. He hit the sidewalk with a splat.

They then called to the IU player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump. They
said they liked IU better than Norte Dame. So he jumped and the fire department
moved the blanket to the left.

The IU player hit with a splat on the sidewalk. Then they called to the Purdue
player to jump. He said that he wouldn’t jump.

The fire department said they hated IU and Notre Dame. He yelled back and
said, ”Lay the blanket down, and then I’ll jump!”

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

Anaheim Mighty Duck super star, Teemu Selanne, had never had his father see
him play professional hockey. He was thrilled to have his father visit him
recently to watch him play.

In honor of the occasion, his good friend, Mikkail Shtalenkov, arranged a
special banquet at the renowned local Scandinavian restaurant, Gustav Anders,
where noted chef, Anders Strandberg, prepared a gourmet dinner of the Selanne�s
favorite Finnish dishes.

In addition to the entire Mighty Ducks team and staff, Disney and Orange
County dignitaries attended with the entire tab being picked up by the Duck
goalie. It was a huge success. The Orange County Register reported the next day
that it was certainly a dinner worthy of the father, the son and the goalie
host.